Being behind the camera is a safe place for me. As a script-writer I can only imagine the voices, behaviors, emotions and subtle nuances a great actor brings to each scene we are creating.
Stepping into the director’s role, the magic happens when the actor gives me chill bumps during the scene. It’s when they nail the sentiment of the story in their artful way that excites me, and gives me confidence about the power of what we are creating.
After one of our production shoots recently, the Vim and Vibe team and I decided to capture some footage of us working. We want to use that footage for talking about what we do and why we do it, and we agreed upon clips of video to take. We all knew we were going to be interviewed but we were not briefed on the questions being asked.
As much as I enjoy performing, I hated being on the lens side of the camera as it was rolling. I was caught up in my head about what I was saying, how I was looking, and thinking, “What is the finished product going to look like?” Insecure. Self-doubting.
When we are insecure and self-doubting we are focused on ourselves. We are being selfish about superficial things and robbing others of a more genuine experience.
Don’t get me wrong. I am all about the hair, and the clothes, and “the looks”; but it takes constant reminding myself that I am here to serve others. If I am serving others fully, they do not care about how I look. Double chin and all. Oops — sorry. I slip all the time.
I have a great appreciation for film and television actors who authentically breathe life into our stories so that the workforce of today gets fed with healthy content.
A long-held habit that is reinforced daily by social inputs may take my lifetime to break. But I am promising myself that I will do better about limiting my critical self-judgment. Right after I lose 15 pounds.